Escape to Bliss: Alpina Superior's Yoga & Ayurveda Retreat in the Austrian Alps
Escape to Bliss? More Like a Rocky Climb to Serenity: My Alpina Superior Adventure (An Honest Review)
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Okay, so Escape to Bliss at Alpina Superior. The name alone conjures images of effortlessly floating into some zen-like state, right? Well, let me tell you, getting there – and staying there – was a tad more…alpine. Think less ethereal, more climb-a-mountain-in-a-blizzard (figuratively, of course). But hey, that’s the messy beauty of real life, isn’t it? Buckle up, because here’s the unfiltered truth, warts and all.
First Impressions & Accessibility - "Can I Actually Get There?"
From the get-go, I was a little stressed. Getting there via airport transfer? Check. The car park is free, which is a HUGE win. But, and this is a big but, the website advertised "Facilities for disabled guests." As someone who occasionally uses a mobility aid, this sparked my usual pre-trip anxiety. I need to know details. I need to confirm. (Rambling time: Why is it so hard to just tell me the actual dimensions of a bathroom doorway?! Rant over.)
The good news? Alpina Superior did a decent job. Wheelchair accessible – well, access to the hotel itself was pretty good. Ramps, elevators, the works. But the devil, as always, is in the details. Navigating the grounds? Let's just say some of the slopes and stone paths would make a seasoned mountain goat think twice. It's not perfectly accessible, but they are making an effort, which is more than some places! I was able to navigate it with the help of my partner, so a solo traveler might struggle.
Rooms & Amenities - "My Room Was a… Sanctuary?"
The room! Ah, the room. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Thank goodness for that! And Free Wi-Fi in public areas, too. Which is crucial for me, as I’m always glued to the internet. The room itself? Pretty standard, honestly. Clean, with a comfortable (and extra long bed! Thank you, Alpina!), and a safe box. Decent air conditioning (thank god, because I was sweating bullets from the stress of travel). The blackout curtains were a lifesaver after some very early wake-up calls to get here. They additional toilet came as a bonus.
But then I got to the bathroom. And here's my first little whine: The shower felt a bit cramped, and the water pressure…well, let’s just say you wouldn’t exactly get a power wash. But, everything was clean. Daily housekeeping was excellent. The towels were fluffy, and the toiletries were fine. I'm a sucker for bathrobes, and I loved the ones in the room.
And speaking of the room, could I opt-out of room sanitization between stays? Yes, I could, which was reassuring during this post-pandemic time.
The Blissful Bits – "Spa-tacular (Mostly)"
Now for the good stuff! The spa! This is where the Escape to Bliss promise started to, well, blossom. The Pool with a view was absolutely stunning. Seriously, picture this: crystal-clear water, the towering Austrian Alps reflected in the surface, and me just… floating. Pure bliss. The sauna and steamroom were also fantastic. (I got slightly lost at one point, wandering between the spa/sauna options. Could someone put up a few more signs? Just saying.)
And the massage! Yes, yes, YES! Massage. I opted for the deep tissue, and the therapist worked out knots I didn't even know existed. It was heaven. The Body scrub and Body wrap options were also available, though I didn't indulge in them this time.
The Gym/fitness center was well-equipped, though I confess, I spent most of my time horizontal by the pool. Fitness center is a great way to keep some form while being on vacation!
Food & Drink - "Where's the Schnitzel?"
The food situation was…an experience. Breakfast [buffet] was generally pretty good, with a nice selection of Western breakfast options. (And for the adventurous souls, there was an Asian breakfast and Asian cuisine). But I was craving something authentic, so I was happy that they had Restaurants that offered international cuisine in restaurant. And let's be honest, the lack of proper, hearty Austrian Schnitzel was a minor tragedy. Fortunately there were several menus, with things like Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, and yummy desserts in restaurant.
There was a poolside bar with a good selection of drinks. The bottle of water left in the room was a nice touch. And the coffee/tea in restaurant was a lifesaver after a long day of… well, existing. The Snack bar, too-- which I did take advantage of one afternoon.
The vegetarian restaurant was a great add!
Cleanliness & Safety - "COVID-Conscious, But Did They Really Sanitize the Doorknobs?"
Okay, let's talk about the elephant in the room: COVID. Alpina Superior took the pandemic seriously, which I appreciated. They had hand sanitizer everywhere. Daily disinfection in common areas. Staff trained in safety protocol. Rooms sanitized between stays. Cashless payment service. Seeing all these, I felt safe! They were definitely doing their best, though the effectiveness of “professional-grade sanitizing services” is always a bit debatable (read: do they really get every doorknob?). The Daily disinfection in common areas made me feel a little safer.
Things to do & Ways to Relax - Did I Really 'Escape To Bliss?'
Besides the spa, there was the usual alpine fare: hiking (I hobbled some, as mentioned before) and exploring nearby villages. But honestly? I spent most of my time in a blissful stupor by the pool, reading a book and trying to forget about emails. This part was the real "escape" portion of the trip.
Services & Conveniences - "The Little Things"
Alpina Superior offered a decent array of services: concierge, laundry service, dry cleaning, etc. Luggage storage. Currency exchange was available. 24-hour front desk was great to have after a late flight arrival. The elevator was a godsend for my less-than-agile legs. If you needed it, there was room service [24-hour]. And there was a gift shop for souvenirs! It's a hotel, they offer the necessary services, but none of those really stood out to me.
For the Kids & More - "Family Friendly?"
They had Family/child friendly options. Babysitting service. Kids facilities too. And the hotel had many non-smoking rooms.
Getting Around - "Airport Transfer & Beyond"
The Airport transfer was efficient, which was wonderful. I didn't use the Taxi service or car park [on-site], but they were there.
The Verdict - "Worth the Climb?"
So, did I truly Escape to Bliss? Well, it wasn't a complete free fall, but it was a pretty good trip, and if I wasn't looking to be utterly relaxed, I might have been in a better mood. Alpina Superior has its strengths and weaknesses. The spa is glorious. The service is generally good. The views are breathtaking. The accessibility could be improved. And the food, while decent, could be more authentic. Overall, I'd probably go back, knowing what to expect. It might not be perfect, but, hey, nothing ever truly is, right? And sometimes, a rocky climb is worth the view from the top.
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Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this "itinerary" is less a meticulously planned schedule and more a stream-of-consciousness vomit of what might happen at the Traumhotel Alpina Superior – Yoga und Ayurvedahotel in Gerlos, Austria. Consider this your permission slip to embrace the glorious mess of travel!
Day 1: Arrival and Attempted Enlightenment (Spoiler: Success is Questionable)
Morning (or what's left of it after a delayed flight from whereever the hell I'm coming from): Arrive at Gerlos. Land, collect luggage (hopefully it made the same flight as me, a win in itself these days!), and get the transfer to the hotel. The anticipation? High. The reality? Probably a bus with questionable seatbelts and the lingering scent of someone's schnitzel.
- Quirky Observation: The bus ride will definitely involve at least one elderly Austrian gentleman staring intensely at me, judging my questionable fashion choices. Or is it just the altitude?
- Emotional Reaction: Pure, unadulterated excitement. I'm leaving behind all the things that stress me out!
Afternoon: Check-in and the Dreaded Yoga Orientation: Check in, unpack (or not. Let's be honest, I'll live out of my suitcase for at least two days.) Get a tour of the hotel… which will probably be interrupted by me getting distracted by a really fluffy Alpaca or two.
- Imperfection: Let's be real: I'm a yoga enthusiast, not a yogi. My downward dog is less "graceful swan" and more "slightly confused dachshund."
- Rambling: Okay, so, the brochures promised mountain views and 'spiritual awakening'. I’m most worried about being able to get out of bed after the first session. Will my body even bend enough with all the dumplings I ate on the plane??
- Opinion: I hope they have proper coffee. Because if the "spiritual awakening" doesn't pan out, I'm going to need caffeine.
Evening: Dinner and Ayurvedic Confusion: Dinner at the hotel, probably some fancy vegetarian thing I'll attempt to understand. Attempt to decipher the Ayurvedic principles.
- Strong Emotional Reaction: The menu will either be a revelation, or I'll be silently pining for a burger. I'm bracing myself for both outcomes. But I love how the waiters have a genuine smile and friendly attitude.
- Messier Structure: Will I accidentally order something that makes me…er…inconvenienced? The suspense is killing me.
Day 2: The Great Mountain Hike, or My Attempt at Staying Alive
Morning: The "Vinyasa Flow" class at a preposterous hour, probably the first of many attempts to master a new stance. Or just make my feet ache.
- Anecdote: One time, during a yoga retreat, I accidentally farted during a Savasana. The ensuing mortification… well, let's just say it was a peak travel moment.
- Opinion: The view better be worth it.
Afternoon: Conquering the Mountain (or at Least a Small Hill): A guided hike! This could be exhilarating, or a disaster. My hiking boots are probably in the same condition as my yoga skills.
- Quirky Observation: I bet there will be tourists wearing some questionable apparel; the hiking equivalent of crocs.
- Doubling Down on the Experience: Let me paint you the picture: me, struggling uphill, gasping for air, questioning all my life choices, while the guides, likely seasoned pros, glide up beside me with effortless ease. Picture the scene!
Evening: Sauna time! Will I get to the spa or just fall asleep in the room? Maybe the jacuzzi!
- Strong Emotional Reaction: After that hike, I'll probably be the most relaxed I've been in years! (Or, you know, incredibly sore.)
Day 3: Deeper Dive, or Deepening My Doubt
Morning: Another dose of yoga, another opportunity to question my own physical limitations. This time, I'm prepared. I've packed extra snacks.
- Messier Structure: Will I be that person who loudly struggles through every pose? Probably. Will I care? Maybe not!
Afternoon: Ayurvedic Treatment (Pray for Me): I've booked an Ayurvedic massage. Prepare for a whole new level of awkwardness.
- Rambling: What does the "warm sesame oil" really entail? Will I fall asleep? Will I snore? Will they judge me for the aforementioned (and frequent) flatulence?
Evening: Farewell Dinner (or a Very Large Pizza): A final dinner at the hotel, a chance to reflect on my – let's be honest – slightly flawed journey towards enlightenment.
- Opinion: I'll need to sneak in a pizza, just to be sure the karma stays balanced.
- Anecdote: On one retreat, I spent the entire evening desperately trying to discreetly wipe chocolate sauce off my chin. The best part about this trip is that I will be traveling alone, so I can be absolutely, unequivocally, and unapologetically myself!
Day 4: Departure - The Day I Probably Need a Vacation From My Vacation
Morning: Last yoga session, breakfast, and final wanderings. Maybe I'll buy a cheesy souvenir.
- Quirky Observation: The gift shop. Will there be a tiny, overpriced wooden cow? Bet.
Afternoon: Head to the airport, fueled by caffeine and a healthy dose of self-deprecation.
- Strong Emotional Reaction: Leaving is always bittersweet, but I'll be refreshed, relaxed, and probably a little more attuned to…myself.
- Imperfection: Guaranteed, I'll forget something important. My brain does this, you know.
So, there you have it. A "schedule" that's more a suggestion, a prayer, and a slightly unhinged love letter to travel. May your own journey to Gerlos (or anywhere, really) be as wonderfully messy as mine. See you on the other side (hopefully with a better downward dog!).
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Escape to Bliss: Alpina Superior - The Messy Truth (and maybe a little bliss) FAQ
Okay, so, "Escape to Bliss" in the Austrian Alps... Sounds AMAZING. But, like, what *actually* happens? Is it all perfect yoga poses and chanting? (Please say no…)
Hah! Perfect poses? Honey, no. Look, let me be brutally honest: the brochures are… well, they're *nice*. The photos are all glowing, perfectly symmetrical yogis overlooking postcard-worthy peaks. The reality? Well, it's more like… me, wrestling with a downward-dog-that-felt-more-like-downward-squish, while trying not to let my sweaty mane slap the instructor. And the chanting? Yeah, it's there. It's… *interesting*. Some people are totally into it. I’m more of a “internal monologue of utter bewilderment” kind of person. It's not *all* serene, let's just say. It's a mix. A glorious, slightly chaotic mix. You *do* get yoga, meditation, Ayurvedic treatments (more on those later – prepare yourself!), incredible food, and views that will steal your breath (before the altitude does!). Mostly. Sometimes. Seriously though, you'll laugh more than you think you will.
What's this I hear about Ayurvedic treatments? Is it all just, like, oil and… smells?
Oh. My. God. The *oils*. Yes, there are oils. Loads and loads of oils. Warm oils. Oils that get *everywhere*. Seriously, I swear I was finding traces of sesame oil on my luggage a week after I got back. The smells? Well, they range from "intriguing" to "what *is* that?" Think earthy, spicy, and sometimes… a little bit like a very sophisticated spice rack exploded. The Shirodhara (where they pour warm oil on your forehead?)… well, that's supposed to be incredibly relaxing. I'm not sure about my experience, though. I fell asleep (which is apparently not the *point*). I woke up with a puddle around my head and a sudden urge to order a pizza. (Which, sadly, was not on the retreat menu.) Don't get me wrong, some of the treatments are *divine.* The Abhyanga (massage with oil) was the closest I've ever felt to being completely, utterly, melted. But, prepare to be… oily. Very, very oily.
Is the food, like, *healthy* healthy? Because I'm picturing a week of rabbit food.
Okay, alright, let's talk food. The food is *mostly* healthy. But, and this is a big but, it's *delicious* healthy. Like, "I-could-actually-eat-this-every-day" healthy. Think fresh, seasonal ingredients, lovingly prepared. There are tons of vegetarian and vegan options, and they cater to various dietary needs. Yes, there are salads. Yes, there are sprouts. But there are also things like creamy lentil daal, perfectly spiced vegetable curries, and the most incredible, fluffy rice I've ever tasted. The desserts are… well, they're probably healthier than what you're used to, but they're still *desserts*. And you *can* definitely sneak extra bread rolls. Just… don’t tell anyone I said that. (P.S. The little mountain herbs they put in the teas… amazing.)
What if I'm, you know… not very flexible? Or good at yoga? Will I embarrass myself?
Honey, trust me, you *won't* be the only one. I showed up thinking I was basically an Olympic gymnast, then realized I could barely touch my toes. And honestly, that's half the fun! The instructors are amazing. They're encouraging, patient, and they've seen it all. They'll offer modifications, and they won't judge your wobbly poses or the fact that you're using the wall for assistance. Seriously, everyone is in different stages. Some people are bendy pretzels, others are like me (stiff as a board!). It's all good. It's the *effort* that counts (and the occasional good laugh at yourself). And you're in the mountains: chances are nobody can actually *see* you.
Okay, I'm intrigued, but what's the *social* scene like? Will I be stuck with a bunch of, like, super-zen, silent types?
Look, I'm an introvert, okay? The thought of a "social scene" initially filled me with dread. But the good news is, there's a wonderfully low-key, relaxed vibe. People are generally friendly and open. You can be as social or unsocial as you like. There are group meals, but you definitely don't have to participate in every single one. I found myself chatting with a few people, sharing stories, and even laughing over our shared yoga struggles. The best moments? Probably the times when we all just sat around, drinking tea (the aforementioned mountain herbs!), and admiring the view in comfortable silence. Or, when we secretly, *secretly*, gossiped about the *one* person who *always* looked perfectly serene. (Don't tell anyone I said that either.)
What about the Alpina Superior itself? What's the actual *hotel* like? Is it just… comfy?
Comfy? My love, it's *gorgeous*. Think rustic-chic meets luxury. Think cozy rooms with balconies looking out over the mountains, fluffy towels, and beds you just *sink* into. The spa area is seriously incredible (remember the oils I mentioned? Well, you'll want to hang out in the sauna afterwards). There's a pool with views that will make you feel like you're floating in the sky. Honestly, the hotel itself is half the appeal. It's the kind of place where you can just completely switch off, curl up with a book (and maybe a cheeky biscuit), and forget the world exists. Although, I will say, the Wi-Fi can be… a little temperamental. But that's probably a *good* thing, right? Right?… (Okay, I did sneak in a few work emails.)
Okay, so… the highlights, the *real* highlights? What made your experience truly special?
Right, buckle up, because this is probably going to get a little ramble-y. Honestly? The overall experience. Yes, there were the yoga wobbles and the oil-slicked floors. Yes, there was the occasional existential crisis during meditation (am I *really* supposed to be "one" with a tree?). But the *real* highlights? They were the unexpected moments. Like, one day, I went for a hike (dragged myself, honestly… hills are *hard*). The views were stunning, of course. But then, I stumbled upon this tiny, little mountain hut. Freshly baked bread, local cheese, hearty soup. I sat there,Premium Stay Search
